I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
