is your mom at the bar?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
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