just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
