i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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