I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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