i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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