why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
