I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
