too bad you live with your parents still
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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