i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
