I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
