chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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