i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
