i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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