So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
