i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
