No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
