This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize