so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
