The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I supernannyed him into submission
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
