He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
