Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
