ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize