You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
