I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
