the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
