Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
