so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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