i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize