ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
