my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
