Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
