if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
how drunk are you?
Several
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
