i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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