The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
