It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
