I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
