I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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