I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
