frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
