after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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