dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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