he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
