Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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