Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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