it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
