I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
