I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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