Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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