I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
