imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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