Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
