the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
