I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
