Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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