there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
