Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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