do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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