you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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