ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
