i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We left an ass print on the piano.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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