PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
