Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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