The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just blew my weed a kiss
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
